The first trimester for a pregnant mother

Pregnant? You are not just 'expecting' a baby, you are also preparing for the unexpected.  

The first trimester for a pregnant mother

In India, they usually ask quite pointedly "Any good news?" Basically that means, have you 'successfully' got pregnant. It is this 'good news' that this piece will take you through. 

(In another blog I focus on adopting babies - that's another exciting journey; but this one is for pregnant parents). 

First of all, the announcement. 

There are a few things to keep in mind even as you plan to make the announcement, but the most useful tip I can give is to say - only start informing family and friends when you feel ready to. That way you also take time to absorb what's happening to you, especially for women, it's a lot to deal with. Also you need to know for sure that this is what you want and you will commit to a lifetime for the baby-to-be. A child is a huge responsibility, an amazing one and a great journey, but you need to commit the time, energy and resources to take care of the baby in the best way possible. Also, ahem... make sure that the confirmation is right. The last thing  you want is to announce a false alarm! (It's happened and very sheepish couples have 'withdrawn' their good news when it was not confirmed.)

   

Be prepared for a multitude of reactions from family and friends. These could range from the most warm and excited wishes to somewhat muted or even dampening responses. 

One of the most put-off comments was from a family friend. When I told them I was expecting, the next thing I hear is - 'Oh... but I believe in family planning.' Red-faced I mumbled out of the room. I thought of a possible response several hours later, but ya, that's too late! 😄 

So look out for positive energy and warmth and believe me, a lot of it comes, people are usually excited, but also be wary of these kinds of weird responses too! Either way, it's your journey. 

Even before planning a baby, parents need to ensure that they have been consulting a gynecologist. This ensures that the doctor not only will get to know you, you will also go through general health checks. Most important women are prescribed iron & folic acid tablets that they need to take regularly before they get pregnant or at least right from the start of their pregnancy. This is important, especially in India, where anemia prevalence is very high among women (ranging around 50% in many states). So you have been in touch with the doctor, you are on IFA tablets, exercising regularly, in good spirits, you're good to go!

In the first trimester, most women would rather not eat. Nausea, drowsiness, mood swings - perfectly normal. However strangely this is the time that people might just ply you with food saying 'you must eat for two now'. That does happen, but it's a bit later. It's fine to be put off at the sight of food during the first few weeks. Nausea (loosely called 'morning sickness' but happening during any time of the day) ranges from very rarely to acute. If it's rare, don't question it, congratulate yourself and quickly get through these weeks. For those who have acute nausea, please ensure that your doctor knows how severe it is and suggests any medical intervention if required.

This is also the time you need to be really careful. Avoiding long travel and hectic journeys, avoiding lifting of heavy weights or climbing activities and taking care of how you sit yourself down or pull yourself up. That's something needs to be done, preferably while providing support with one hand. Also recommended to sleep on your left side and not on your back! That rule kind of stays all through pregnancy. 

We discovered the 'good news' on the eve of a travel journey with friends that took us across long road journeys, jeep drives, safaris and even an elephant ride! We had no idea that all of these things are highly risky. The doctor consultation that happened soon after our return was... well not pleasant. We got such a dressing down for being irresponsible parents and the doctor bluntly asked us to stay put for the next few weeks at least. Fortunately we managed to return safely in our case and the pregnancy proceeded smoothly and quietly after that. We were ignorant, but also we did not want to cancel a trip with our friends. It was definitely not responsible behaviour too, but that's why I'm writing this so other parents-to-be can take proper actions and first of all, know what's expected.   

Most people who are expecting a baby also prefer to wait till the first trimester is over, to inform the world in general. This is also because this phase is a sensitive one and 80% of miscarriages happen at this time which is till about 13 weeks. 

One of the other things that happen during the first trimester is usually the an internal examination that the gynecologist will perform on the mother also maybe an internal scan. This can be uncomfortable or awkward for some women when it happens the first time, but there's more such coming up through the pregnancy, so just breathe out and try to take it in a matter-of-fact manner. Doctors and sonologists are also trained to expect some hesitancy and in my experience deal most of them deal very kindly with women. Some may not explain what they are doing, so it is good to know that, so that it does not come as a surprise. My first internal exam came as a surprise to me - since the doctor did not prepare me for it, so it is better that the patient goes mentally prepared for every visit. (I actually called a new mom to confirm that this was pretty much a normal process that was done! 😂 and changed the doctor!) 

So there's announcement, rest, nausea, medical check-ups and IFA - pretty much a need to stay quiet. But it's usually much more smooth sailing in the second trimester - possibly the 'honeymoon' period of pregnancy, but more about that in my next blog. 

 

Pregnancy: when slowly, the feet disappear!

 Pregnancy: the second trimester when slowly, the feet disappear!

So there's a lot that happening to your body right through pregnancy - but the second trimester is when you can possibly enjoy the experience the most and also feel multiple changes. My earlier blog on the second trimester covered eating, shopping and music - basically indulging in anything that you love! Here, you will also prepare for what is to come next - the third trimester. 

Enjoying the moment and the movement: So we are watching and learning from the baby's movements now, is it a quieter day, or is the baby excited and really mobile? Or maybe sometimes, just very hungry! So how do you respond? Often, actually, just eating helps. Through both my pregnancies, I found that the movements actually increased closer to a mealtime or when I had slightly delayed eating a meal. Actually, the movements are just supposed to be a reflection of the mother's hunger, that the baby reflects. Sugar levels probably dropped and yes, they too might be hungry. So the big point to remember here is - your baby depends on you for health and feeding. It's not about 'Your' food or meal. Do make an extra effort to have regular meals with smaller meals in between to ensure that there is a constant supply going out. No you don't eat junk food or extra-fat food. Just regular, healthy, diverse meals.  

Image by Please Don't sell My Artwork AS IS from Pixabay 

What not to eat: And while on the subject of food, there's a long list of what NOT to eat. I quit practically all junk food - aerated drinks, extruded snacks, highly processed foods etc. for two whole years - during pregnancy and nursing (yes, I know, it was terrible) but somehow after that phase, I never really felt that  same level of craving for junk. So it all worked out well in the end. The other bit is about sweets. In any case, some women can't stand the sight of sweets during their pregnancy, but there are some who develop a sweet tooth along with gestational diabetes. I would just recommend to stay off sweets and chocolate. When you do have a craving, maybe a small portion of whatever you crave just to ward off stress, but that can't be a pattern. There are conflicting studies on eating small amounts of chocolate etc. but frankly, I would just stay - keep your hands tied. I was a confirmed chocoholic before my pregnancy, but stayed away for two years - for each baby! By the end of that phase, I had kinda been deaddicted! So even now, it's just an occasional chocolate once in a very long time for me - although I'm a mom of two teenage boys now! And oh, zero tobacco, alcohol or drugs please.   

Pack those bags: It was my gynecologist who literally drove us when we were expecting our first child. Go away, she said, and take a trip somewhere. She then added wisely, that's the one bit of travel and personal time you will get in a loong time! 

When the baby comes, be prepared. And yes, this is in a very nice way. Life does change when you have a child in your midst. 

But you do have more flexibility of picking destinations and itineraries at this time. Find a place with relatively easy access - flights, trains, short drives are all recommended. Also, places where the weather is not too different from your regular hometown. Pack in also a slow, relaxed schedule, late mornings, lazy walks and basically a lot of peace and quiet. Later with kids in tow - travel will be very different as I note in my blog on travelling with children! 

Again, pack those hospital bags: The third trimester is now coming up fast, so will recommend putting together what you need for that hospital trip. Yes, it does seem a little early now, but now's when you are a bit more mobile, you can also get it out of the way because by the time you hit the third trimester, you would be happier with rather less to do.Also you might want to shop just that little bit for the baby-to-be including for things you need at home and yes, you would much rather do it yourself. Adds a little bit of pleasure and expectancy and you can pick things up the way you like them. Some people do feel a little sentimental about doing this in advance, which is ok, so you might want to postpone it till after. I would still recommend, however, at least organizing or putting together your things so you mentally also start getting ready. 

Friends & family: Every woman's experience is a bit different when it comes to pregnancy. However, there's a lot you can learn by talking to different people. Run from the pessimists and those who constantly spring horror stories on you. Experience and personal stories, can help a lot however. More than anything, you  might just want to hang out with people who make you feel positive, yes pamper you, maybe and also those who can help you out with some of your essential activities and plans. You cannot do everything yourself and you must keep that in mind as you rope in a support group. Listen also to meditative or soothing music and positive sounds - all of these have a huge role in your and your baby's preparation for the life ahead.    

In the meanwhile, hope you are going through your regular medical check-ups including any recommended tests and vaccinations, besides additional iron or other supplements as required. Stay healthy, stay happy as you step into the third trimester, 

  

Pregnancy: The second trimester (Or the time you can actually move...)

Pregnancy & the second trimester

Or the time you can actually move...

The good news is this is the best time of the entire pregnancy. Doctors heave a sigh and you do too. Most of all, be prepared - as my doctor said "Do what you want now - travel, go for walks, eat what you like"... I was just beginning to think this whole pregnancy bit was not such a difficult thing. Then she goes "Because in a few weeks you can't do any of that!" Talk about premature celebrations! 

 

Go away morning sickness:  The biggest relief at this time is that usually other irritants like 'morning sickness' or loss of appetite are now slowly out of the picture. Of course there are women who have been nauseous till they were in the last week of pregnancy (horrors!) but those amazingly patient creatures are quite rare. Most likely, if you are troubled by nausea at this time, the doctor will help you with some mild medication. However, throughout your pregnancy and this is one IMPORTANT rule - avoid any type of medication at any time, unless it is prescribed as absolutely important and safe. 

Hopefully you are going for a regular check-up to the doctor, at least once a month, more often if required. Some of what I'm writing here will be mentioned by the doctor, but it is good to keep in mind and understand what is happening.

 

Anemia: The additional supplement you must be taking will be iron-folic acid. In case you are diagnosed as anemic, you might be advised some additional iron supplements. It is likely that even if you are generally healthy, some levels such as your hemoglobin levels etc. change at this time. This is perfectly usual since babies absorb necessary nutrients from the mother, but the mother's health still needs to be tracked so that she can safely continue the pregnancy and the baby continues to get necessary nutrients. More than half of Indian women are anemic. Babies growth and development is affected when the mother is anemic, therefore this is an extremely important concern to address.Diets and supplements can definitely help at this time. 

Food glorious food! Again, for all foodies, or even those who are not foodies, this is like the best time. Basically your hunger shoots through the roof, which is fine, but then your tastes also sometimes totally change. This might be unusual for you, but it's all part of the journey. 

During my two pregnancies, my tastes were totally different when I was expecting the first time and totally different during the second. I sometimes think my children imbibed their tastes when they were still in the womb! 

Whatever it is, without analyzing too much, try different types of food cooked by a variety of people - savour the taste (believe me, now's the time when everyone is interested in the mother, so make the most of it!) and if you are doing the cooking experiment a little with new dishes. I'm saying this from experience because during my second trimester I completely went off my usual foods and it took me several days to figure out what I actually wanted to eat. Since you need to be eating well at this time, you better figure out quickly what you like to eat. Eat healthy, eat diverse and focus on iron and calcium-rich foods.   

But I'm not diabetic: Maybe not. But gestational diabetes (that comes during pregnancy) is as common as anemia at this time - almost as common. A simple effect of this is that the babies grow bigger and faster. So doctors do check frequently for diabetes and if the levels are higher than ideally what they should be, they will take appropriate steps to control this. Remember through this journey, it is you and the baby. Whatever is happening is keeping in mind the best interests of both, most of all, you as the mother who is the centre of everything and precious as you should be.  

    

Did I mention shopping?? So, yes. If you have not been shopping yet, you will now. Most women start feeling that their clothes don't fit at this time. Of course you must shop. Loose fitting, comfortable clothes that can also be useful when you need to start nursing the baby post-pregnancy are great things to have. Now there are a range of clothes - from simple and functional one pieces to elegant and dressy clothes that can also be worn for some outing or engagement. Most of all, your skin and your face undergoes a transformation. I've never much been into skin care etc. but found quite happily, that there were many good things that happened to the texture of my skin. Very often people might say 'you are glowing' and indeed that's how it is for most women. In case the reverse happens, that is your skin becomes more tired and you also look more strained, don't worry too - both are temporary. So just go with the flow. 

The baby moves!: This is also that exciting time when you can feel the baby moving. Some mothers feel it a bit earlier, especially if it is their second child, but all mothers should feel something like a bubble really at first and it's quite fascinating. As the baby grows the movements becomes more and more prominent. And sometimes you can feel that they are communicating with their movement. My second child was a stickler for time, so when I was expecting, used to kick like crazy if my meal was delayed - what do you do? Run and eat. 😄 The baby is king / queen. In fact through the weeks, this movement becomes very important to track, especially in the next trimester. 

What's your groove?  It is really a good system to play music, use maternity chimes or small objects that make a sound when you run them over your belly. The baby doesn't just move, it also listens. So speak up, speak nice and listen to different types of music, languages etc. It really does make a difference. Studies have proven that listening to the mother's (and dad's voice) while in the womb calms them down later when they connect with the voice. And believe me, you will need calm! It also helps in the brain development. Mozart, they say helps. I listened to a variety of music - from religious chants, to Indian and Western classical along with contemporary and popular music. We can't quite prove how that helped the baby in this case, but it definitely helped lighten my mood during the pregnancy. 

So this blog was actually about how you can move during the second trimester... However more on that in my next blog. You can catch up for more information on the first trimester here: 

Being a parent has many hues. Enjoy the journey! 

Egad! Exam Time!

It doesn’t get more stressful for parents than this – the terrifying email from school that says “Portions for the Exam” popping into the inbox.  Anxiety and apprehension set in for me as I make sense of what should have been 3^rd grade and 6^th grade portions, but appear far too advanced even for my age (perhaps my intellect, actually, I should admit). 

I get ready to break the news to the children about the dates and the syllabus. It’s a little complicated as they are busy bumping a football dangerously near something breakable and as they break into a dizzy-tripping run, my concentration wavers. Bawling “No football indoors” I attempt to draw their attention towards the sheet in my hand. “Now, quieten down because, here’s something really important.” I wait, anticipating a dramatic pause to break the news to them. This so-called drama ends up becoming one brat kicking another, the second attempting to return the favour, a lot of yelling, pulling out of the football and attempts to demolish parts of the house again, not exactly the right background for breaking news. 

Why study when it's so much fun to play?

After restoring relative peace (background murmurs and dark hints) I get to the point. “Your exams email has come”.

Oh ok, so.. said one, as if it was a poorly scripted story; ya I know that, said the other Mr know-it-all as if he was the sender, wondering why I was bothering to tell him this.

“Do you know what this means? This means you need to stop playing around and start studying.”

“But mom, we are studying all the time.” Ya really, I asked dripping sarcasm.

“How much can kids study? We will fall ill if we study so much. Well, I even studied like yesterday for like ages.” (Read 10 minutes, 3 days ago)

Never mind that, they are herded into grudging submission to pull out their books with pained murmurs of freedom, rights of the child etc. It’s probably my fault I gave all that stuff on rights to them, to read in the first place!  I watched as they attempted to first find, by that I mean actually attempt to locate their school things.

“What do you mean you can’t find your math book?” “Just because you have poked your eraser onto a pencil, it doesn’t become a flag, it can still be used.” “How do you mean that on the prime portions of the text book you have scribbled smart-aleck doodles just for fun?” “This book is in two parts? Wasn’t it in one piece when we bought it?” “No the compass is not a sword” and so on.

After a series of highly unsatisfactory answers, my persistent dire threats to cancel all their playtime and recreation forever, pulling away the football, a mobile phone, a pack of UNO cards, a miniature car, biscuit (now how can you bring that here!) and every other “distraction” in sight, they finally settle down mutinously to their books.

Silence reigned, for about two minutes. “I’m really thirsty, can I get some water?” “It’s urgent I need to use the wash”. By the time we are back after finishing these seemingly unending tasks, it’s been an easy half an hour. Meanwhile the younger boy, who has learnt to tell time, looks at the clock. “It’s 45 minutes since we started studying. Mom, we need a break. I’m so tired; all we do is study. How can you be so hard on us?” Without getting into the authenticity of this statement, just the pitiful look and big eyes that accompanied this would be enough to bring out placards of me titled “Tormentor Mom” across the entire city (public places not exempted).

Meanwhile the elder asks me the question I dread.  “Can you help me with this? It seems that Section 3 in Chapter 4 of my Physics differs slightly from the section 4 of lesson 2 in my Biology text; so how do you think I should answer this question?” As I look over the mass of words uncomprehending, my brain works furiously for an escape route. “Your teacher has told us parents very strictly not to teach stuff at home” (whew, brilliant, a little hurried no doubt).

“Then I can’t study this mom. It doesn’t make sense. What can I study? I mean, when text books don’t agree with each other, what can poor children do? There must be a law to regulate this. We can’t do anything. It’s very confusing. Come Du”. The last addressed to the younger was the signal to pack up. Dismissing the books and exams from their immediate horizon, they wandered off into far more entertaining spheres. This show was over. Emerge football, exit mom. Ahem.

As I gazed at their rapidly disappearing derrieres, it dawned on me that in the wandering showbiz of parenting, this was nothing but yet another occasion for me to turn clown. 

Exams, what exams?

Those loooong journeys with kids!

We love to travel, we thought. Oh yes, we will take all those wonderful quiet breaks, rejuvenate and give the children exposure to the real world. Ok. Reality check: before the destination, there’s a journey. So, when it is a journey with kids, a lot can happen, really a lot.

The first time we travelled on an overnight train with the kids – we were geared up for a lot of fun. The excitement of sleeping on the train, the new sights zipping across, the sounds so typically “train” and getting to meet a lot of new people – oh yes, it was going to be a lot of fun. Or was it? Fascinated by a whole new experience altogether, our sons – then aged 3 and 6, proceeded on a trip of their own altogether. Starting with dashing up and down the corridor, waving at all the passengers and climbing every bunk in sight, most of all, they decided to yell out to each other from opposite ends of the coach. It was a terrifically funny game, it seems however, to no one but their two selves. 

After vain attempts to calm them down, we crept, stealthily into our bunks and lay down, pretending that we had nothing to do with this whole circus. I’m quite sure not a single person on our coach slept till the boys did, as tired from all these antics, they climbed precariously into their berths and slumbered in lion-like attitude. Everyone slept in a hurry, wanting to make the most of this period of silence.

Of course, they got up really early in the morning – persistently requiring explanations for every little leaf and ant that the train was zooming past, never satisfied with one answer, each question seemingly intended to fox every adult in sight! They were also chirpily garrulous and by the time we got off the train, bleary-eyed, the boys had shared most of our family history (not excluding gory details) to every passenger on the coach. All of them seemed strangely friendly (or was it relieved) just as we were about to exit. I could almost swear that a few of them cheered as we left and even the train seemed to start earlier than usual, to ensure we didn’t hop back on, perhaps.

Never, we said, would we make another journey like this – a spectacle that left us tired out and ready to just get back home. It wasn’t just trains that were arduous, for the kids seemed to master the art of making just about every journey duration, more adventurous, longer and noisier than it was ever intended to have been. I remember when our elder son was about two years old and on a flight, he decided it was more convenient to stand on the seat, that is, the view was definitely better. 

The cabin crew member was persistent. Madam, she said, he will have to sit. Much as I agreed with her, there was this little roadblock in my child’s views. Stand he would, no matter what others thought of the matter. I had just communicated this won’t do to him very sternly and the cabin crew member too joined this sternness team. He let loose a piteous wail. Usually I wouldn’t have swerved but the young attendant was aghast and in immediate panic, hushed him. “It is s ok mam”, she hushed, “let him do what he wants, but do hold on to him”, she pleaded – a somewhat unnecessary caution, given that he had decided it was more fun to stand without holding anything, arms up in the air, gazing all around over the seats and out of the windows. 

By the time we got off, my shoulder was frozen in an awkward slant and I looked like I was constantly trying to hail a cab (which did look a little out of place, given I was still inside the airport). My boy plodded along happily full of baby babble about the sights he had seen – mainly the tops of the heads of those on board, please note, not the view outside the window.

Road journeys can be awesome play time! Ahem...

Road journeys were yet another story. Initially under control with one kid, strapped into a seat and dozing most of the time, as they got out of that dozing phase and after there were two kids in the back, it was constant mayhem. “No you are not supposed to poke each other in the eye”, “Looking out of the window doesn’t mean making faces at the passers-by” “What do you mean, you are hungry because you are a growing child. You just ate 15 minutes ago”, “Making car sick noises and laughing after we stop the car is not funny.” Usually, when we reached our destination, we just slept a lot of the time. We needed our energy for the drive back, although we were inside the closed confines of just a car, it was a car with two creatively riotous kids in the back seat.

This is how I walk... on my Dad's back!

Of course, the walks and the treks, I’m not even getting into. Usually, exactly at mid-point into one of these, they would collapse vowing they couldn’t take another step forward. The journey would finish on their dad’s piggy-back, us in relief on reaching our rooms. Even as we were beginning our enquiries of concern, hoping they were not too tired, they would dash off to the nearest play area playing noisily and energetically for the next couple of hours. “Yes I was so tired, that I couldn’t take another step forward by but I don’t know how my energy has all come back.”

After much grumbling about our tiring journeys, we decided to take off alone once, just once. As the drive began, we soaked in the peace and quiet in the back seat. It was so bloody quiet however, it was unnerving. We turned right around and swore never to venture in such stifling peace. That noise was an integral part of our journey of parenting, one that we couldn’t do without.

So now, we have a simple logic in the way we approach travel schedules. Rest during the holiday, rest after the holiday. The destination does not matter; the journey really is what we are recovering from; and of course, noise is supreme – very much part of the journey, very much a part of the parenting expedition! 

On a kick-stopping musical journey!

Singing to their tunes

Music, they advice – all those million books on parenting and children – is the best thing you can do for the child. From enhancing brain capacity to calming their troubled mind, it seems like the answer to all existing queries about parenting. 

Having spent a mini-fortune on all those help-me-ups to be the ideal parent, I was busy keeping my vocal chords in good form, well in time for my first child. He was the ideal listening baby. Every hum, every tune, every little song was received with grunts of murmur followed by delightful naps. Even at a few months, he had figured out ways to let me know which songs he liked and which ones needed to be repeated over and over again. I was elated.

Zooming in the confidence of my obviously (to me) prodigious musical skills, I put them on display at every opportunity – which mostly meant I was singing most of the time at home, leading to family members making hurried exit excuses at different parts of the day. 

After I went back to full-time work, the self-proclaimed musical prowess extended to my workplace. My colleagues taken aback at first – as I was in a new organization then – turned from appreciative to polite to stunned in silence. No moment was too somber or no meeting so tense that I could not belt out a number. With a bizarre sense of humour (well, ya, blame the post-natal phase if you like) I would choose my songs according to the scenario. A cash crunch in the organization for instance would result in a song that extolled the virtues of money, while a resignation would see a parody on letting people go if they wanted to. The musical experimentation increased from day to day. Fortunately for my colleagues, I took my second maternity break, and wandered into their sunset with their relieved congratulations (whew, about time, now let’s get back to work without ad breaks).

It seemed however, that my singing sensation avatar was destined to go only thus far. This boy, my second, was a different cup of tea – or a different bundle of ears!  My decision to entertain him started earlier than before as I was swollen with confidence. However, my hum clamped shut even before I could properly begin. 

Right from the time my second baby was in my womb, he would give one light kick at first, then another harder and even harder, every time I even began to hum. I was in pensive doubt. Was it joy, hunger, restlessness? Quiet when I was quiet, the kicks began every time I started singing, stopped when I stopped singing. Perhaps this was the way he enjoyed music? Ouch that was a hard kick, a budding dancer perhaps? Over a few times, the message became increasingly clear – No singing. 

Mummy, I love you, but please don't sing!

As he finally emerged out of my womb and into the real world, it was crystal clear– he preferred silence to music, my music at least. Hmph. I maintained a dignified exterior even as my husband perfected the art of converting sniggers into coughs. Silence reigned, at least my musical silence, at home and at work. Sigh... Many a flower is born to waste… blah blah..

In the meanwhile, as my babies became children following rogue pursuits, yelling hoarsely, I wondered what my inputs of music had ever done to add to their acumen. Undeterred, I collared every baby in sight to sing, simpering to unsuspecting parents that it is the best thing they can do. Some babies left my arms yelling (they were just not used to me, nothing to do with my singing); some gazed at me in undisguised awe before they crawled off to the other end of the room. 

Later one of my boys took to dancing like a fish-to-water and the second (surprise me here!) proceeded to show extreme keenness in classical music; the little blighter never let me sing even! When I ranted how, he never let me sing, the answer was given sweetly and cuttingly by a "friend" - it was not music perhaps, just your music, a remark that set off murderous longing towards this now ex-friend. 

Net-net taking these parenting tips on musically engaging your children, I found, the long hard way, can be reasonably deflating. Music can be the food of love, but only if to the taste of your choosy child! 

Shortly after, I donated a mini-fortune in parenting books that had spurred me on to a short-lived musical journey. I am quite sure I have contributed to the growth of a musical hopeful parent somewhere, belting numbers to their children. I don’t quite want to know how the kids responded. Nope. Not me. 

On high vocal chords and how they too were remembered in official communiqué

If there is anything I can say with certainty about our home, it is definitely not quiet. The sounds vary – from peals of laughter that sound nearly evil, from thudding sounds that make you wonder what is happening and yells that make your insides curl. The credit, nearly entirely goes to our two brats (of course I meant our two sons, hmph!)

My attitude towards them varies from indulgent deafness to exasperated scolding. The latter makes them gleefully prance around the homestead, assuming I am joining in their primeval pranks. By the time I get them to understand that I am trying to stop them, not join them, I am already hoarse, dizzy and incapable of any sane activity of any kind.

Amidst this zoo-like feel are the dreaded phone calls, especially official ones that I take, very reluctantly at home. Knowing the residential milieu and the normal decibel levels at the home quarters, I plead a variety of reasons (not to be quoted, huh?) from fatigue, to having a platoon of guests over, to discharging batteries and damaged ears. Ah, well, it is all to protect you, dear callers, so if you still didn’t get it, I really can’t be held responsible for what follows.

The conversations start politely enough. At the first background noise, there is a pause at the other end, wondering. I speak nonchalantly, hoping they would imagine noises in their ears. The next sound – with increased volume – is a little more difficult to ignore. I speak louder – blame it on some noise in the network and try to continue. We are discussing a critical point and when I am giving deep thought to provide some profound insight or other, comes a horrific shriek. It is not possible to ignore or pretend these noises don’t exist any more, unless I want to plead “unsound mind”. Giggling girlishly (ugh) I call out to the boys, “Hello dears, I am getting disturbed by your sound” apologize and try to continue with the call. 

“As I was saying, the incomprehensible aspect of this entire state of affairs poses several poignant questions for which our endeavours must be to identify...” what they would identify I had no clue and the caller had no chance of finding out either when a series of recurring noises halted any further pretence at conversation.

The caller’s mystique turned into undisguised awe, “How do you manage.... blah blah...” who-can-shout-louder game’s deafening noises in the background, drowned the rest of the compliments (Ya, ya, this is my version, right, so I get to imply compliments here). Just then the train of loud sounds entered the room and began to revolve around me, each trying to catch the other while they pretended I was a pillar. A string of expletives were left unarticulated as I spluttered, hemmed, hawed and did anything by provide poignant inputs on professional matters.

The caller resigned, postponing the discussion for saner moments but not before hastily adding a few words of encouragement and sympathy. I would have happily listened to more such sympathetic words in this manner, were it not for the two plummeting punks who nearly rammed the breath right out of me. While I hung up, gasping my thanks, I knew yet another caller was crossed off my list of official callers while at home. 

I start on a dressing-down session – to the audience of two that seems more amused and confused than repentant. “Why don’t you join the game with us as well, mummy? It is such a nice game with many noisy adventures.”  Before I could draw a second breath, the phone rang again.

I place a finger on my lips gesturing silence to the little brats as I pick up the call. They decide merrily that this is the signal for yet another new game. Ah well, welcome dear caller to my ear-deafening insights!

If there is one bright (please note, I say Bright, not Silent) spot in this whole scheme of things, it is that the numbers of official calls dwindle by the day. When I finally left that organization – I actually got a thank you letter that included my children and mentioning their “active participation” and contribution to my work! 

Who said work and children don’t mix? In my life they actually do, in a heady, noisy, ear-splitting fashion with two young boys playing musical chaos on the dais!