It's all Newton's fault

It took me a few years, and two kids to figure out that the most interesting thing in life for kids of all ages, sizes and mental faculties is to drop things down. And this is one scientific discovery they make very early in life.
Aniruddh must have been about six months old when his experiments with gravity began. I watched in great pride as he dropped his new (and expensive) toy repeatedly "He is learning about gravity" I informed everyone who cared to listen, or who didn't. "We have to encourage his appetite for knowledge". Four years later, his "appetite" for knowledge has resulted in a truckload of broken articles. Now the younger one is also learning about gravity, my appetitie for knowledge lies on the floor with the broken scientific experiements. The gravity of the situation is now, all on my face.

Showing where the fan is

A few years ago, my friend and I had an animated discussion about obnoxious parents who want to show off their little children. What is your name, say hello, say bye bye, shake hands, give flying kiss etc... but what takes the cake is "show auntie where the fan is". "The heights!" my friend would fume, "I mean don't I know where the fan is or what?"
Now, that my little one is almost a year old, I am reminded of these must-dos in public life. A genial neighbour, after pinching cheeks, pulling fingers, touching hair, trying to grab him and walk away etc. (my child, oh my child!) finally reconciled to giving my baby back to me intact. However, in order to sustain my baby's interest (if only he could have spoken...) , she proceeded to have a conversation with him. "What is your name?" "He is not yet one..." I simpered. "Ah," she said, putting a world of meaning into it and giving another long look at the baby. "Shake hands" she said putting out her hand. If I could believe a 11-month old capable of a dirty look, then my son is very capable. He was not however upto the task of shaking hands. Not one to give up, "Where is amma, say amma" said my neighbour again. My son stared at her stonily and for some reason gave her a smile. (what a silly question this big person is asking me, perhaps). However no reply came. The dreaded crowning glory came soon after, "Fan enga fan?". I had to interrupt. This was too much. "He doesn't do anything," I said. "He doesn't talk, he doesn't show things, he doesn't do any tricks." I smiled winningly at her. She looked incredulously at me. "You leave him with me for half a day, see what all I can make him do. You have to teach children learn all this.... " blah blah.
Even as I was looking for a way out, my little one, my wonderful adorable brat of 11 months, came to my rescue. He leaked his pee all over her carpet. Children have their own weapons and methods of communication and my little one had just got his message across.
Now we smile when we meet at the car park, but she has never renewed her request to train my child to show where the fan is.

Teaching World Peace to Terrorists

When they ask these Miss India types - what do you want? and they say "World Peace", I want to invite them home. Come and see what creating world peace involves. For four years, I kept my son away from the world of toy guns. He was to be the epitome of peace and calm behavior. Of course, on occasional visits to other "boys will be boys" houses, he would invariably pick up his friends' guns and unleash his pent-up energy. Finally we relented. Let us not be too harsh on the kid and so finalllly... a little green gun, masquerading as a top was his. To us, it seemed the most innocent possible gun, and it would give him a chance to indulge his fancy.

But.

It has given him a new identity. Now my son struts around with a pair of coolers (even tho it is disney branded with a cartoon image), a red cap (that was picked up during his spiderman-crazy phase), AND the gun. He waits for every opportunity, and sometimes for no opportunity at all to take us to task.

"Mommy!" He shouts, when I invite him (yell at him) politely (threaten with dire consequences) for dinner "You will be sent to a house for naughty persons". I speak my thanks and repeat my invitation. He glares at me from below his cap and coolers and points the gun in my direction. "I am very upset with you"

I cringe and wait for the smallest opportunity to do away with the mischief-making gun. The four-year old still struts around yelling for revenge! How, when children are born with such aptitude for terrorizing their family and neighbours, can this simpering PYT talk about World Peace, dammit. Come home darling and I will show you world peace.

Now I am preparing my younger son to walk on the path of peace. No guns for him, no sir. He will grow up to be the epitome of peace and calm behavior (part 2). Yesterday, my non-violent epitome II, proceeded to watch a live ant crawl on the floor, in fascination, and in a sudden movement, picked it up and plopped it into his mouth. We rushed to the rescue (of the ant) immediately and finding it in his mouth, still squirming, deposited it to safety.

Now I have written to the organizers of the Miss India pageant and I wait, hoping for an acceptance for my invitation. RIP!