Being a parent can change you so completely that it brings out a new you. I have read this some years ago. Images of a caring parent, tender, warm, affectionate, creative, friendly, fun all leapt to my mind. Of course I was every one of commercials that show motherhood and fatherhood and whatever-other-hood to a point of complete sickly sweetness. But the "new you" that I found is well, something else.
It is like a time bomb ticking in me. A book thrown here, a scribble on the wall, a broken piece of furniture, a smart-ass reply to an instruction - the fuse is extremely short and ready to ignite. And voila! The new me! "f you do this," I say, "I will throw you out of the window." (We live on the fourth floor of our apartment complex). "I will take money from your piggy bank to pay for the wall cleaning" (guilty; yes please, but how many scribbles can you stand by and admire as work of art?) And - this is a more effective threat - "You will have to go to school in your night suit if you don't get ready on time". So the list grows..
I have become a maniacal, loud, threatening, bullying, overpowering, jarring parent. Sometimes I can't believe it is the same person. Sometimes I feel like a complete jerk. Look at the poor innocent, how sweetly he smiles and this is what you do to him. "Come to me baby" Then the poor innocent proceeds to take my favourite perfume and run around the house using it as a room freshener. The devil unleashes inside me again.
Now I am resigned to my fate. I am a two-faced parent and I want to stay that way.
1 comment:
Congrats on starting a blog..i read all the posts and I obviously couldnt identify with them..all that i could think of is that maybe I need to experience these as well..
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