Work @ Homethought

Ten months into baby no. 2, I am still getting used to the question "So how is it combining work and home?" Wish I could say, it's great, my children are little works of art who watch the day go by quietly till I reach home; we spend a quiet and loving evening, after which I cuddle into bed with them reading a story and ourselves to sleep. Of course, meanwhile, it is great at work, as I pull myself through with dedication to my job and come out with flying colors. The perfect professional, the perfect parent.
Wish. Wish. Go on with you. The fiction stops there with a polite smile and an awkward change of subject.
So here I am telling an audience of parents most of who fear they have inadvertently birthed juvenile delinquents... Will the true parent stand up? The one who says they can get by through a few hours of work without imagining the most unspeakable terrors taking place at home to their little dearest devils? I notice a seated audience. The only guy who got up, had a call that his 5-year old had climbed onto the cupboard and wouldn't get down. He left the room, while the rest of us nodded knowingly.
So here I am charting my workdays' schedule. If you're looking for deadlines, financial year closings, important days etc., forget it. My workday vs productivity chart is as follows.

1. Excellent day at work = no one tried to break anything at home
2. Good day at work = we tried to break something but did not succeed
3. Fair day at work = we only broke the 2nd best "exquisite" vase; and we broke the pair
4. Below average day at work = we tried to break the neighbour's kid's tooth
5. Bad day at work = we nearly succeeded while pretending to be power rangers (we lost)
6. Worst day at work = we succeeded (we won) and the neighbour knows and has turned up at home and wants to know what kind of parenting we receive and wants to talk to you right away and wants you to come home right now and will not be placated by the fact that you have told us on the phone that you will kick us into obilivion though we don't know what that means so please come home

The only good thing is, there are good days and bad days. Work gets by. In the meantime, those who would like to know how I combine work and home. I don't. I just work in constant terror.